Fuck You Sir Richard Branson - Hate Air Travel 1

I fucking hate travelling. Don't get me wrong, I like going new places and seeing new things, but I hate getting there. Especially by plane.  The ONLY exception to that is via motorcycle. I'll go where ever you want me to on a bike, and I'll probably take the long way. A car isn't bad with the right people and the right tunes, but I hate planes. I hate their schedules, their airport, their security with their little magnet wands keeping the skies safe from evil, their staff (sorry Euan, and the hundreds of airport staff who have been very professional friendly and accommodating over the last year, but I'm venting) and everything else about them. The blue stuff in the toilets...I hate that too.

One day while leaving Thailand I had to pay $130 for my second bag. Since when can't we bring two bags? Who only takes one bag anywhere? I was leaving for over a year, I didn't know where I'd end up, I needed 2 bags.!It wasn't even heavy!

The lady from Virgin said it didn't matter, it was $16/kilo. So I zipped open my bag and started shoving things in my pockets. I found my hoodie put that on and started shoving things in those pockets. I put my laptop charger in my hood.

"There!" I said triumphantly dropping it heartily back on the scale. Still over.
"Ill tell you what, lets do a little carbon off-set type thing here. I'll go take a big dump and come back, whatever weight I've lost you offset from the weight of this bag. She looked at me blandly and handed me a bill. That look translates in all languages. The guy behind me was laughing at all this. Mostly AT me.

So there you go Sir Richard Branson, you got more of my money. Hazzah!

"Dear Sir Richard Branson, suck a pack of dicks. And choke on my $130." I hope he googles his name. I'm sure he does, all megalomaniacs do. It's in the handbook they get. If he doesn't, some poor underpaid/no pay intern, not quite-yet-jaded-or-broken-WTF-am-Doing-With-My-Life yet, is doing it. I know he doesn't care what some random blogger in Calgary thingks of him, but still, it would warm me to know that somewhere in his castle he's reading the words "Suck A Pack Of Dicks Sir Richard Branson" Warm like porridge on a snowy school day.