Crossing From Laos to Thailand

The sun hung blood red in the morning haze over Vang Vieng. It's burning season, the air is thick with burnt rice fields. Though the early morning air held a chill, the heat in my windowless closet of a room afforded me no sleep the night before.

Groggy, tired and feeling ill, I said goodbye to my friends Ana, Peter and Vet, and we piled into another grey van. I can't count the number of grey vans I've sat in since arriving in SE Asia this trip. The road to Udon Thani is pure hell. Walter described it as being in a washing machine. 170 kms takes 4 hours. An entire morning being bumped, jostled  and thrown around a grey van. Its the first time I've felt car sick in decades.

We stopped for brunch at the Full Moon Cafe in Vientiane (the word moon appears in every second eating or drinking establishment in Laos it seems), a cool little spot that offers the service of uploading music to your iPod while you eat for a small fee. While pouring through the list of music our DP informed me that he was bringing some weed across the border with him. You can buy the stuff anywhere in SE Asia, but not as easily as in Vang Vieng, where we had left. Still, it seemed silly to me. The penalties are severe for that kind of thing in this part of the world.

After the best burger I'd had in ages, we loaded up the grey van. Our first stop was to drop Walter off at his hotel. He was heading straight to BKK to pick up his gear. His daughter had already headed that way earlier in the week. I'm gonna miss that guy, forever blowing himself up.

A couple hours later we hit the border. Our driver grabbed our passports and hopped out of the van. Our DP and Wrangler decided to go duty free shopping. The poisoned mayo, so common in Laos, loaded onto my burger was haunting me so I ducked out to find a bathroom. After I searched a while I walked past the van when our sound guy yelled through the window that we were done. The driver took care of everything, we were good to go. Less than 10 minutes for all 5 of us. Brilliant. I called the rest of the crew and we were leaving Laos and entering Thialand. We crossed the Friendship Bridge and waited to get into Laos as our driver took care of business again. Love that guy!!

I neglected to take a pic of the one at Udon Thani, here's
its counterpart in Ko Chang.

While waiting I noticed a sign that had writing in both Thai and Laos, with quite a bit of info. At the bottom, in English it simply read "Severely Punished". On the left was a skull and crossbones superimposed over a collage of pills, white powder and a bong.
"I guess the punishment of E, Coke or Weed is death." is said. No one seemed phased by that, especially our DP.

Five minutes later we were back in Thailand. One more shoot day at a dam outside Chiang Mai, then 2 days in Bangkok and I'm out of here. Snow and hockey, here I come!

Blue Lagoon - Outside Vang Vieng, Laos

We had to be packed by 9am the day after our wrap party. The party ended up at a place called Smile Bar, a place that serves Disco Buckets; Thai Whiskey, Redbull, Opium, Weed and Mushrooms all served in a toy bucket, like a kid would take to the beach.  Needless to say, much of the crew was in rough shape whilst packing up the vans.

We said our goodbyes to the crew that were movin' on and watched them bounce off into the morning haze. With nothing left to do and a day off to kill we decided to visit Blue Lagoon. Walter, Digby and I rented 3 scooters, I handed over my passport as collateral. With Nick and Ana riding bitch we putted off on another adventure.

The road to Blue Lagoon is 7 kms, but it takes 40 mins to get there. The road is a moonscape of stones, craters and ruts. Single lane bridges with precarious gaps charge 10, 000 kip per vehicle. Each way. Construction almost foiled us, our scooters sinking into freshly unearthed ground. We made it past, and a couple of wrong turns later we came to the lagoon.

A small fees gains you access to both the lagoon and a nearby cave. (There are thousands of caves in the limestone mountains of Laos.) The lagoon is a little pool of water along a river. Downstream the water is too shallow to swim and too rocky or littered to wade through. Upstream the river is choked by vegetation twisting from the banks. The water is blue and small fish dart amongst the tourists. Swings have been hung for the tourists to play on. The heat of the day was stiffling, so I climbed up a tree with via a makeshift ladder nailed to its trunk, and traversed the overhanging bough.  The water, cool and refreshing was only about 8 feet deep and I touched bottom. Shortly thereafter Walter jumped in forgetting his glasses so I made a second trip to the bottom to retrieve them.

We played for a while, splashing about and swinging in. Eventually we got tired and climbed the banks. We took over one of the small gazebo styled huts and took turns basking in the sun and retreating to the shade. As the sun lowered Walter hung a makeshift blind to protect us from it's burning rays in our little hut. A small canteen kept us in beer and water.

Walter and Nick decided to head back to the city, and Digby, always the adventurous sort, decided to check the cave. He opted not to pay for a guide. Ana and I sat and talked about the film we were shooting and watched people basking in the son. One girl I recognized from 2 nights earlier at smile bar. She had been wearing a dog chain at time. She must have left that home today. Digby had been gone for quite some time and we were getting worried.

When Digby finally arrived he told us he got lost and finally ran into another adventurous spelunker whom he followed out. It was time to go, but he wanted to get a bite first and urged us on. We made plans to meet back for dinner.

Ten minutes into the ride back I asked Ana if we had made a wrong turn. The road was WAY worse than it had been. on the way in. It was soft, and loose, making the little scooter almost impossible to handle. I got my answer a moment later when a grader came rumbling up the road, exchanging craters and ruts for loese earth. Ana suggested we try cutting through the rice paddies and taking the path behind the communist flag across the river from the Silver Naga hotel. Ok.

We took the first road that had a sign and followed the path marked by trampled ground and white flags. Eventually we came across a family of french people purchasing the right to visit a cave from two young Laos. We asked if we could get back to town this way and they said no. Damn.

We headed back and stopped to take a picture. I said to Ana, "You know, I have yet to be lied to by a Laos person, but that doesn't mean he's right, lets try another way." She agreed and we took a left into the rice paddies.

The thing about rice paddies is, they need to be kept full of water. To do that, small burms create boarders around patches of earth to make up a field. Being dry season, we cruised the fields easily, but the mounds of earth were hard to navigate. A couple of times poor 'ol Ana almost got bucked off. Others times she had to get off while we practically lifted the little scooter over the border.

After several wrong turns, more than a few hard bumps and some genuine worry we'd made a reckless mistake, we found our way to the back of the communist flag mountain. Hurray. We circumnavigated the landmark and found the walking path back to town. Our last hurdle was a walking bridge railed on only one side. Ana suggested she get off for that leg of the trip. After everything we'd been through she didn't trust me to get us across safetly. I'm sort of glad she didn't, my confidence on this one was pretty much shot, but I made it ok, and the tourists on the bridge politely moved out of my way.

When we returned out scooters the guy checked them all over for damage. I was quite shocked there was none, but relieved to get my passport back. I was exhausted and sore but still managed to get some dinner before crashing. We had a 14 hour travel day ahead of us.

Back to Chiang Mai...

Working on a Film - The People You Meet

Walter is our special effects guy. He's 62, a big lad missing the tip of one of his fingers on his right hand. Walter enjoys blowing things up. Walter set himself on fire t'other day.

The film we're making has been unfortunately underfunded and over staffed. The term time is money applies more to the film industry than any other I've worked in. We were running out of both. When people run out of time they attempt to make up for it by rushing. Rushing leads to mistakes. 

On this particular day, Walter was creating a series of large fiery explosion to replicate the misfire of a rocket. Being pushed to fit in as many explosions as possible, some black powder Walter was carrying came into contact with a pot that hadn't cooled enough and went up. The flame climbed his left leg and arm. Walter simply jumped into the nearby river. He was picking bits of burned powder out of his skin on the way to dinner that night.

When I asked Walter if he was OK after his little ordeal he said he was fine. Brushing it off as a minor incident compared to some of his other mishaps. One time, I think while working on The Thin Red Line (but I could be mistaken I listened to quite a few stories) a hard packed explosion went of between his legs. Milos, Tom and I looked at him in awe.

"You know what a palm tree looks like eh?" he said spreading out his right hand. Then he pointed to his outstretched thumb. "That's where me dick was"

A collective gasp went through our group was we clambered on down the patch work roads of Vang Vieng. Walter's mishap cost him 4 months in the hospital and several skin grafts to repair the damage. 

Over dinner Walter told the three of sabot working on The Matrix, Thin Red Line, Australia and others. He had stories about other people getting blown up, insane but brilliant requests from out of control directors and different techniques to getting better explosions. It was all very enlightening. It make me feel like film was the right choice. Lets wait and see.

Laos

We landed in Udon Thani in a plane with a duck bill painted nose. A quick drive brought us to the border. It took about an hour to get about 30 of us through. Travelling with a 70 year old Thai TV star makes life interesting. People stopped to ask her questions or get pics and she'd make them laugh with her antics.

Welcome to Laos, pop 6,200,894. The hammer and sickle flags are a dead give away that we'd entered a communist state. Be that as it may, capitalism is alive and well here. The myriad of electronics, tonics, and pirated harmonics (music dvds, its a stretch, I know, but if you can do better....) on display at the duty free is a testament to that.
   
~Things I've learned in Laos: If there is a light above your bed LEAVE IT OFF or a staggering number of minuscule flies will fly into the light and stay there until they are cooked to death, only to fall onto your pillow.


After a few purchases we loaded the vans for a 4 hour trip over the worst roads I've ever driven on...and I've driven to Indian Mountain and back. Its not like dirt roads, its worse. It's dirt roads that used to be paved, but years if not decades of indifference have left them a mangled track of jutting tarmac and stone peppered between ten meter stretches of solid pavement. Our driver treated it like the groomed concrete of a formula 1 track. Passing on blind corners, being forced onto jarring shoulders where holes and stone were the norm, and dodging oncoming traffic seemed very much the norm to him.



Arriving in Vang Vieng is like arriving in a past that's been victimized by the present. Thatched huts line the roads along the village. Legions of scooters scamper through the streets overtaken by rumbling trucks and vans laden with inner tubes and foreigners. Restaurants featuring raised seating platforms with stubby little tables face plasma screens blasting Friends, or The Family Guy. I would hazard that 90 percent of restaurants or bars are playing one of those two shows. Depending on the time of day, the corpses of stoned or hung over backpackers are strewn across the cushions and mats at each table.


~Things I've learned in Laos:  A bottle of Whiskey for 15,000 kip (+/- $1.80). If there's a snake in it, "Don't worry, it acts like viagra"-bartender, Smile Bar.


Colonised by the French, their Asian servants fought back and reclaimed Loas leaving behind a varied culinary culture. Coffee, baguettes and pasteries are served neatly beside Larp and Laos BBQ. The food is amazing and cheap. The latest incarnation of Laos cuisine includes pizzas, garlic bread, brownies and milkshakes prepared with weed, mushrooms or opium. It's been the hot topic of discussion over dinner lately.


Drugs are highly illegal, this being asia, and a communist country no less, however the trend is tolerated here. While walking with a long haired buddy in a hawiian shirt one evening, a guy on a moped stopped out of the blue before us, shut off his engine and asked if we wanted to get happy. I almost had my belt undone before he said, "No, do you want to buy drugs? Weed? Opium?" 
"ooooohhhh"


~Things I've learned in Laos: The more fun the shit on the menu is, the less fun the staff is.


Each year 9 Australians, usually young backpackers, die in Vang Vieng. Most drown while tubing down the river. The wide variety of bars along the river eager to toss you a line and refill your Whisky/Redbull bucket may or may not be a contributing factor. Other dangerous yet fun activities include Kayaking, Hot Air Ballooning, Boat Tours, Rock Climbing, Spelunking in any of the various caves in the area, and Rock Climbing.


The other major pass time is drinking. BeerLao, the local brew is exceptionally good. Buckets of booze and redbull are dirt cheap and often come with free TShirts. Thatched roof huts serve as bars with hammocks, beer pong, pool and makeshift dance floors. Fire dancers light up the night. Most are staffed with expats who've elected to extend their vacation in exchange for lo/no pay and a free room. 


~Things I've learned in Laos: The party doesn't start till after midnight.

National Beer

Oh, so after my food rant I thought I'd hit up a beer rant. Not really a rant. A, noticement. Yes. Something I've noticed. Every country has a beer. Most have several.

In Canada we have several. There are the big breweries, Labatts, Molson, Moosehead, Keiths, and smaller microbrews putting out gems like Propeller, Thirsty Beaver, Innis & Gun and probably thousands of others. Unfortunately the Americans have started sending their sexing in a canoe northbound. I read recently that Budweiser, the king of awful swamp piss, is now the number one beer in the country. I blame that fully on drunken asshole wannabe cowboys during Stampede who believe that the superbowl Clydesdales really have something to do with beer. In Canada you say cheers by clinking your glasses together and saying "cheers!". Or, if you're French "Sante", or even "Salut", which is what the Italians say. I don't know what their beer is.

In Cape Breton you might say Slainte, due to the desperate clinging to celtic roots they're doing there.

In france we drank this stuff called 1853 or something like that. French beer isn't great.

In thailand they had 3 major beers i noticed. Chang, Shingai and Tiger? maybe. I know there was a third. You say cheers there by saying "Chok-tee" In Cambodia it was Ankor. Truely great beer. I had so much I don't remember how to say cheers there.

I have several Swedish friends here in Aus. They say Skaal, which sort of sounds like Skoal. Here in Aus there are several major beer labels. VB seems to be a working class beer. Its good I think. There's Tooeys, XXXX, and Carleton as well. They have many smaller breweries making some really great beers. They say cheers here.

I met a girl from Austria this summer and we hung out for a few days. They speak german there. She told me that they say Prost, which is specific to cheersing beer. There is another for wine, and yet another for good health. Too much work. Prost it is.

The most common beer in the world is Henekein, which is dutch. They say Proost. Thats easy to remember. They're close to the germans, so is their cheers.

On that note, I'm about to have a corona with my fajita! Salud!! (Spanish for cheers)

Footie

I miss hockey. I really do. Not so much that I want to see the Bruins and the Canucks play for the cup. God. Who do you hate more? The Cancucks obviously, but then again do you want to see the cup go to the states AGAIN? Hmmm.


So the other day I was speaking to one of the directors at school and we got to talking about AFL. Aussie rules football. I had mentioned that i wanted to go catch a game. Well, it turns out he's a huge fan of the local team, the Sydney Swans. Don't let the name fool you, these guys are incredibly tough. The next morning I got a call quite early, about 10am (it was Saturday, gimme a break), and the directors wife decided she didn't want to go to the game that day so he asked if I wanted to go. Apparently he's got season tickets, which they call a membership here, and never misses a game.

The game played was between the Sydney swans and the Tigers. I can't recall where the tigers are from. It was pouring rain. Leslie (the guy who took me to the game) introduced me to all the other members in our section and was kind enough to explain the rules to me as we went.  There was a lady in front of us who was at least 70 who was screaming with pure venom at the umpires. A tigers fan in front of us was losing his mind when the calls didn't go his way. Much like home.

The sport is pretty wild. 18 players on each side. 4 umpires (refs) 2 endzone officials and a couple of sideline officials. Plus there are people running out constantly to bring messages to the players, and people with water bottles too. So it looks like organized chaos out there.

Here are some differences between Canadian sporting events and this one. Not one single person got into a fight, or at least tried to fight someone wearing the wrong jersey. The aussies have the common sense to cover parts of their stadium, so when its pouring rain, let alone snowing, the fans don't catch pnemonia. Season ticket holders, or members, get a scan card with their seat number on it instead of a book of tickets. At the concession stands they don't sell burgers or nachos, but they do sell fish n chips and meat pies. Now, given how hot and warming meat pies are, I think this should be a new Canadian CFL tradition. Just a thought.

Here are some similarities. The concession stand in Australia do like to bend their fans over and give em a nice high hard one for the privilege of eating shitty concession stand food, just like Canada. The ride home took twice as long as it should have. At half time they had some local kids come out and play a smaller version of the game. Thats great! Thanks for shelling out for some entertainment team owner. But keep exploiting kids, that's good.

Anyway, I had a great time. AFL is a great game  and its a great plug for the five hole in my heart!

Next game....Rugby union!

The things you learn

My most recent project was a documentary about Sufism . Click the link, I won't attempt to explain it in detail. Basically its a kind of religion with roots in Islam and many paralells to Buddhism. Its about being in the moment and understanding that the moment changes.

Anyway, dude in the Blue Mountains is a teacher of Sufism. Cool guy too. American from Cali. Grew up just after the Height Ashbury days.  We chatted about all the cool spots there are to visit in California as I told him about the bike trip I did there a few years ago. He told me about all the hippy rockers hes met, including Jerry Garcia.  Speaking of which, this guy is also a composer, and a fairly talented one at that, as well as having an interest in film and is piloting a TV series.

Last weekend he and, I'm assuming his wife, or 'partner' at any rate, invited us to stay and film "Sufi-night", a non denominational evening where people could come and learn about Sufism. Much of the teaching was parables, and the poetry of a guy names Remi, a 13th century intellectual. It was a long day, we filmed till about 9 and then hung out for a few hours. I was the camera guy, which is alot of fun. I tried to be creative and film all sorts of things to jump to during the interviews. Its harder than it looks.

Everyone went to bed at about 11, so 2 of the guys and I went outside and smoked a joint on the deck. I've never smoked a joint on a holy man's deck before, but I think we were in the moment, so it should be ok. At anyrate we didn't do it to be disrespectful, it just seemed like a damn good idea at the time.

The next day we shot some interviews of people who study Sufism, the girlfriend of one of the students who is not involved, and the Shake (leader). He then took us downstairs and played some music for us. It was excellent.

We then drove home. The ride back was quiet. I jumped out downtown as we were passing a park close to my house.I walked home feeling tired but pretty ok. I needed a shower, and I was covered in bug bites from being out in the country. Mosquitos are rampant there. 

I walked through the door and dropped my kit and turned the shower on. Just as I stepped in  the phone rang. It was my buddy Sam calling to ask if I wanted to work on an Indian action movie with a Bollywood dance scene.

Ok then....

Handling Swedish Bi-Curiousity at an Advanced age

When you go back to school in your mid 30s, things are definately different. I can't drink until 4 am and get up at 8 and go to class anymore. I didn't before but I COULD if I wanted to. But I slept in usually.

Another thing I've noticed is that I don't relate well to younger people. Right now I'm acting as producer for a short film. I'm the oldest person in my group by far. On other guy just turned 30 I think. My entire camera crew is 20 and under. One of them asked me the other day what I thought I'd do after film school. I said "Make movies". She said "Oh really? I thought I might go back to school and figure out what I want to do." Really.

Some of the people in my class were born after the first couple of seasons of Sienfeld. They never saw the Smurfs on Saturday mornings. Not even the later episodes when they were holding on for dear life and introduced smurflings and a stupid prince. Some of these kids were born AFTER Appetite for Destruction came out. Most were in the cradle when Smells like Teen Spirit hit the charts.

The other night I went out with these girls I know from school. Notorious party animals, but really good at the stuff we're learning. I get to the bar, which has $4 drinks all night,  and I can't find them because we're on 2 different levels. They finally find me and 2 of them are hammered. They go off to dance and I hit the bar with the 3rd. We get our drinks and look for the girls. They're on a couch making out next to the stage. I laugh and say, hey, your room mates are getting busy over there. So she just laughs and we head over. I figured they'd stop when we got there. Nope. The third one just joined right in.

So I'm sitting on a couch with three 20 year old swedish girls who are all making out. One ends up halfusitting on my lap for a while. Guys in the club are looking at me like I'm Hef. So they break it up for a while and this dude buys me a drink. He says, "I don't know which one's your girlfriend, but that's awsome mate!!" I just smiled. Later one of them would tell me I was the coolest 35 year old she knew. That made me feel good.... She then told me that if she was older, like 25 or something, she'd totally try to pick me up.

We get tired of the crazy loud techno/house/rap/dance/electronic 'music' we're being subjected to (to be honest I kinda liked it) and head to an Irish place called Scruffy Murphy's. I get wanded before I go in and have to pay cover. I hate paying cover. Most places don't charge here.

Now this place is weird, to get in you have to go through one door, up stairs, across the length of the bar, then back down stairs where there's another set of doors your only allowed to leave through. One of the girls decides she's too drunk about half way through. Right out of the blue. I go get her some water and she's just about comatose when I get back. Some dude was trying to pick her up. Then he acted like I'm an asshole when I told him to shove off. Oh, and her friends have ditched her. So I threw her in a cab. She invited me back to her place, but the shade of green she's turning tells me that that isn't a good idea. (Find out the next night she got kicked out of the cab for redecorating the back seat in a nice shade of sea food).

So, yeah, thats what I'm dealing with. How was your weekend?

Me And The Roaches BABY!!

Yeah so, Australians don't put screens on their windows. And they don't seem to give a shit that Canadians can't deal with the kind of heat they have here when it's still minus 30ish at home, so we have to keep the windows open. I was getting pummelled by mosquitos in the night. Awful.

Also, theres a gap under my door, which leads not out into the hall but directly outdoors, thats about an inch high. So anything that crawls hops or slithers has free reign to come on in, have a beer and make itself at home.Which, from time to time, they do. One night I came home and two crickets were hanging out in my bathroom. It was funny, they were sitting very close to one another at 90 degrees. If there were a little tiny table in front of them it would have looked like a date. A creepy little date. Anyway, they died a horrible death before anyone could make up an excuse about having to get up early and probably should go home and get some sleep.

Another day a cockroach wandered in. I saw him coming. Face full of bug spray for you my little brown friend. As I was spraying him a cricket, collateral damage from the spraying, came banging out from under my fridge like he was on fire. Poor little guys. But if they didn't want to get gassed they should be insects, am I right? Of course I am.

So, and here's where it gets nasty, I was going to a photo shoot one day. Very uncharacteristically, I was late. So I got dressed, threw on my hikers and ran up to the train station. So I'm sitting there and my foot is itchy. Oh well. Train shows up and I got my little ticket and got on. So I'm on the train, cranky cause you dont get wifi down in the tunnels, exactly where you'd need it if anything went wrong on a the train, and my foot is itchy again. So I ignore it. Then i felt the itchy spot move. So I yank my foot out of my shoe, and this cockroach pops his head out, climbs down the heel of my shoe and went to find another seat on the train. I never saw him again. I have no idea where he got off, but I was horrified. I had bugs in my clothes dammit! I'm not a dirty person. That doesn't happen to me!

Oh well. Off to buy more bug spray.

Chance encounter at Bayon

Thanks for taking this pic Helen!

Ran into a former co worker yesterday and his lovely companion at a temple called Bayon. They were celebrating 25 years together on this trip. We chatted for ten or fifteen and he gave me his card.
Later that day I got an email from him asking if I'd like to meet for a drink. They met me at the Temple Club and we had beer and chatted for a few hours. It was great catching up. Really nice guy and he's been around the world dozens of times and has great insight into traveling.  He's put me in touch with another co worker who is living in Bangkok, so I'll try to hook up with him after my flight this afternoon.

This morning in Phnom Penh, a town 300 kms away, I drove by them in a Tuk Tuk on the way to the airport as I was leaving lunch. We all just waved and laughed.

Cambodia

Made a snap decision 2 days ago to hit Cambodia. Met a cool Aussie lady on the plane to Chiang Mai who talked me into it, waffled till the other night coz Chiang Mai was so cool. Took the sleeper train to bangkok last night, 13 hour jaunt but met a couple cool girls from wisconsin and we chatted for 4 or 5 hours. Killed time in bangkok by booking my train fr bkk to Surat Thanie for the 5th, booked my rooms for Phnom Penh and Siem Reap for the next 3 nights , then my hotel from the 5th to 7th in krabi. From there 3 days in kho lanta then 1 night in Phuket, flight to Sydney. Time flies...

Looking forward to the killing fields tomorrow in Phnom Penh; then Angkor Wat the day after...

Blessed by a monk

 I got conned/invited to visit a monk in his home beside the temple. While there he blessed me by shaking reeds full of water on me. He the gave me a beaded bracelet for luck. Then he tried to sell me an authentic stone amulet for 2000 baht.  I lied and said I only had 400 on me but gave him 100 as a donation to the temple.  He thanked me and gave me a picture of a one eyed cat. That's going up on the fridge.





Here's the one eyed cat:

Bangkok Day 1...Do you smell that?

Its 4:10 here in  Bangkok, i'm sitting with a Change beer I bought for about 90 Cents. I'm not even expected to tip.

My flight was glorious. Royal silk class on thai air. The food was marvelous, a blend of western and Thai delights. A finecky eater I tried everthing put in front of me. The first thing was an appetizer of a giant scallop served with minced mangos. It was cold but still good (I prefer mine served hot wrapped in bacon..but we're trying new things aren't we)

I managed to sleep quite well as my seat reclined almost all the way. I awoke a few hours before landing and watched a movie, was served some sort of pasta dish and disembarked. I was sad to leave that plane!

I got my luggage and was dissapointed to find my bags had been broken into. I later found a nice note from the TSA saying they were the culprits but not to worry everything was put back.

First, they didn't need to break the lock, they could have used their pass key, I bought very expensive coded locks authorized by the TSA becasue they have pass keys that match the coded locks. Second, not everything was put back. A very expensive piece of my belongings is missing. I'm not happy thinking that some under educated halfwit TSA agent, who was so angry to not be able to grope anyone because he was on bag duty yesterday, is now surfing my very impressive collection of porn. I'm kidding. Its not that impressive. But there was alot of shit on there I needed. Oh well. Time to write yet ANOTHER NASTY letter

The trainride into the city short enough, me humping 3 heavy bags around. People are friendly and helpful. The ride in through the suburbs, and as I was to find, the city itself is polarized between wealth and abject poverty. Its more strongly marked by their proximity to one another. Broken down concrete buildings sit half finsished, or abandoned, amongst dilapitated correguated steel huts. Near by workers are constructing new buildings. Glittering condos with golden facades share the same blocks.

I got a cab and was charged exactly what the book I got said I should, 80 baht. Less than $4.00. Easily a half hour ride. I checked in but my room wasn't ready, so I dropped off my gear and hit the streets. Bankok is an amazing town. At 8 am people are setting up. The smell of food, garbage, spices, perfume and rotting meat are everywhere.Old ladies are cooking pad thai on the street conners. ENtire fish are bbq'd, heads on, and served on a stick.


I detoured through an alley at one point, trying to get back to a landmark I had noticed earlier. There were people living in this alley, in tiny apartments the size of my living room. They were watching TV with their kids, while they prepared prawns, chicken, mystery meats of all kinds in giant bowls on the floor. BBQ carts were wheeled out the their doorways in preparation for the day. People were sleeping in lawn chairs on the street. I felt like I was walking through the kitchen of a hotel, the place you're not supposed to see during your stay. No one paid me any attention.

Back on the main route there was a seamstrees sitting with an ancient sewing machine fixing the hem on a jacket belonging to a police officer. A man sitting on the sidewalk was rebuilding an engine. I paid 10 baht for a 7up at a little hair salon. People talked to me, asked where I was going, a few were helpful.

I stoped at a gov't sanctioned tourist bureau and got tickets to a fight tonight. Maui thai, the real thing too. Tomorrow I have a full day trek. I'll get to that. The guy at the bureau, chris, showed me on a little map all the things to watch for, and what to see. He told me the big temple is never closed, so don't let anyone tell you it is and trick you into paying to see it. Don't let anyone take you on trips around the city, they'll take you to more expensive place where they get kickbacks or will extort you. Watch for people who are friendly and want to show you things on your map. THey are probably trying to scam you.  I thanked chris and went on my way.

Waiting at a light a nice gentleman with most of his teeth and a blue shirt asked me where I was from. I said canada and he said "Oh, Vancouver!" POinting to himself. He didn't look like a douchebag, but maybe he was from there...( ok ok, just Canuck fans...) He told me for 20 baht his friend would take me on a tour of the best places. He told me that the big temple was closed every day but today and so I had to go right away. I thanked him and he protested telling me I was missing out.

I got Pad Thai and a beer for 120 baht, about $3.60. I bought 3 tshirts I just know are gonna fall apart when I wash them, but the designs are very cool. One's a monkey flipping off no one in particular. I tried to get a cab back to the hotel, but they wanted 200b. Its only about 7 bucks, but i got a ride from the airport for 80b, and that was a half hour drive. I got mad and walked home. About a half hour walk. I needed the excerise...I need to fit into those shirts after I wash em.

Off to the fights. I'll let you know what happens. Apparently the foreigners sit up front. They tell you its a place of honour, but really they just don't want to be the ones sprayed with sweat, blood and the odd tooth.

The Red Carpet Club

I'm sitting in the Star Alliance Red Carpet Club. Its a wonderous place where you can set your luggage down and walk away from it without worrying about being accosted by a TSA agent who's God Given powers of groping are taken advantage of with great gusto. There are places to plug in your laptop and iPhone. There are snacks. Peppered cheeses and crackers so light they feel like they were made from the dandruff of an angel. There are men lounging around who have so enjoyed such extravagances over the years they have become round and bloated |They take up entire couches,  their penises a distant memory buried under a subcutaneous layer of cheese and liquor invoked fatness.

Wondrous creatures strut amongst the comfy chairs of this oasis, adorned in the latest fashions, leaving a vapor trail of confidence and chic. I know some of them are famous.I'm just not in tune enough to know how. I'm pretty sure the chick that plays Pam on the office was in here. I tried to get a picture but it was as though she had a 6th sense for that type of thing.

There is free liquor. Lots of it. Not all though. Segrams 7 is free. Canadian club is $7.50. But draft is free. It's a little slice of heaven to be sure. If you weren't careful, you might be fooled into thinking you were human.

But nothing worth having is without some strife.I had to over come the beast cerebus to gain entrance past the gates. This three headed monster would never let a mere coach travelling mortal such as myself into a garden such as this. The lead head regarded me suspiciously as I handed over my boarding pass from a previous flight, quickly pointing out that this was an oasis for the elite. I dodged and countered with my itinerary, showing my upcoming business class flight. The second head was now awakened and with a powerful thrust and gnashing maw entered my flight details into the magic box. I parried,  standing my ground until i was rewarded my golden fleece...a free internet access card and a welcoming, albeit begrudging wave into The inner sanctum of sanity.

As i was writing this a nice woman with a Carribean accent of some sort came by to clean a nearby table. I asked how she was and she said she was very well and asked how I was. I told her I was tired to which she replied..."You are human you know" If you're not careful...you might just believe it my friends, fortunately reality exists beyond the sliding glass doors of this red carpeted Eden. I'll break this spell yet!

Crying babies at 27000

Everyone has a horror story of crying babies on a plane. Mine is no different...except that, this particular little bundle of mucus and joy, is crying in French. Normally when a baby starts in on the screaming you can mutter under your breath, toward the parent who seems perfectly content to allow their spawn to ruin my attempt at catching up on sleep, something like "Oh, for God's sake, just give him/her/it the damn bottle/toy/sedative."

HOWever, when your cabin mate/is screaming en francais, its more difficult to determine what the tadpole is screaming for. It makes muttering specifics under your breath more difficult. Always the optimist, and innovator, I stuck to stereotypes and muttered something about giving the little imp a bottle of wine and perhaps some deoderant. Vivre la France!!!  And viva las vegas...landing soon. Can't wait to drink and gamble at the airport!!

Sergeon General Warns Going Away Parties May Damage Your Liver



Evans Consoles



Well, I said goodbye to everyone at the office yesterday. That was tougher than I expected. But I guess when you get up everyday and go to the same place for almost 3 years you get kind of fond of it.

Kickers 1st st SW Calgary

Went down to Kickers, a restaurant just opened by my friend Tom. He had some customers so he handed me a beer and I just chilled. The beer was MTL, a really great easy lager microbrewed in the old city. I chatted with some folks who overheard me say I was leaving. They made me promise them I'd visit Tasmania and New Zealand. I'll do my best, but it might not be this trip.... I'm not even gone yet and I'm meeting other tourists who have advice on where to go.

Four or five beers later and the boys showed up. Tom made us 4 or the best smoked meat sandwiches I've ever had. I love food. Headed back to Tom's and had rum. I love rum, yes I do.

We went to the Rose and Crown. I like the rose, but I gotta say, the bouncers there are, with a few exceptions, dumbass morons. Its amazing what the most miniscule amount of power will do to a complete idiot. Its too bad, they are the only dark spot on an otherwise great bar. Al's a great bartender and if you get a chance to talk to him, he's done alot of travelling and has some good stories.

Man, alot of people showed up. Turns out I'm quite popular! (Take that awkward highschool years!!) I don't think a moment went by when I didn't have a beer in my hand. Shots of Jack, something called a Koala, tequila... Great night all around. Thanks everyone.

Fire Valley on a Hog

Back in 2008 my girlfriend and I, with a bunch of other couples did a trip to vegas. The whole thing was totally awkward because, at the time, one of the couples was just dripping in love with each other in the most disgusting fashion.  The other two couples were on the rocks, and then there was us. We were cool. As a group we shopped, went to IHOP, caught a UFC fight (Couture vs. Lesnar, how cool is that shit?), did Freemont... and that was it, I had to get away.

We hit a place called Dream Car Rental, close to the Hawaiin market. http://www.dreamcarrentals.com/

The were super cool about everything. We got a HD Dynaglide for the day and I think it cost aout $240 bucks. Not to shabby if you actually shop around in other towns. 'specially for Vegas.

Now I'm normally a sports bike guy, love my CBR. But, its really uncomfortable for two, especially when the 2nd is a really tall girl. So we got the Hog. It turned out really well because my girlfriend was so comfortable she could take pics the whole way.

We headed out to Hoover Dam. I don't have anything to say about Hoover Dam. Lots of concrete, some transformers are hidden under there or something. Its cool to see I guess. Hoover used to crossdress...thats kind of funny... I digress.

 

After Hoover we went to the Valley of Fire. Valley of Fire is very cool. The roads are windey and the scenery is incredible. Its only $10 to get in and you can camp in designated areas. The only drawback is, you can only go 15mph through the park. And they enforce it. Heavily. There were park rangers around every turn, and not happy go lucky rangers like on Yogi Bear. Big dudes with laser radar that are attempting to pick you off from across the desert. But they warn you when you stop in...so I guess if you get caught, well, you were warned. Dumbass.

The ride back to Vegas we went around lake meade, past the exit back to hoover and straight west. Driving at sunset was BRUTAL, facing the sun the whole way and it just seems to hang on the horizon right at the end of highway.

After a day on the bike we hit the Stratosphere for dinner. Really cool spot and you see the entire city over the course of the meal. the guy running the elevator is a pervert though...so watch out. Unless you're into that kind of thing. Anyway, fantastic day all around!

Here are some more pics. Definately a great excuse to get away from the strip for a day!

These are the Beehives, weird formations of rock that look like...well beehives

We weren't sure about the rules on climbing the rocks, some spots you're not allowed. Ask forgiveness.

There were people camping just out of this shot. They were homely, you're not missing anything.

The day I realized I was george Castanza

I think I was 32 and I found myself living in my parents basement. It was good arrangement, I could live for free with my folks to save up enough money to buy my own place, in exchange I walked and cleaned up after the dogs,  cut the grass in the summer, shoveled the walk in the winter.

Wait a minute...winter? This was supposed to be a six month thing, not a situation that lasts more than one season. That's when I took a good long hard in the mirror. You're going bald Luke...you're overweight, you drive a POS 99 cavalier. You wear glasses. You hate your job,  you're going out with a girl you're just not that into (even though she's really cool and you have alot in common and she's fun to be around up for anything, and you're no prize yourself mister, what the hell's wrong with you dude?!), and, wait for it...you live with your parents.

I saw George Costanza in the mirror. I could hear his old gym teacher screaming "Can'tstandya, Can'tstandya!" I could see the neurotic tickings  in his bulbous cranium. This is bad.

So I found a new job. Broke up with the girlfriend., started working out again (Cause I was single now and I had to get in top condition to attract some high quality arm candy, right?). I was going to get back on course.

Now, if this was a commercial for a weightloss/life coach program infomercial, I'd have before and after pics. But alas no...there was no dramatically life changing effects on my life; but at least I had a plan. It was a good plan. Move forward, jackass!

So here we are, 2 and a half years later. I'm 35, and I'm still George Castanza. But I'm a better George. I'm the George that's getting a job with the Yankees! Tomorrow's my last day at work. Rented out the house I managed to scrape up enough cash to buy. In 5 days I'll be landing in Thailand. 40 days after that I start working on a new career in Australia. But more about that later. But I will tell you this right now...This is the summer of GEORGE!