Fuck You Sir Richard Branson - Hate Air Travel 1

I fucking hate travelling. Don't get me wrong, I like going new places and seeing new things, but I hate getting there. Especially by plane.  The ONLY exception to that is via motorcycle. I'll go where ever you want me to on a bike, and I'll probably take the long way. A car isn't bad with the right people and the right tunes, but I hate planes. I hate their schedules, their airport, their security with their little magnet wands keeping the skies safe from evil, their staff (sorry Euan, and the hundreds of airport staff who have been very professional friendly and accommodating over the last year, but I'm venting) and everything else about them. The blue stuff in the toilets...I hate that too.

One day while leaving Thailand I had to pay $130 for my second bag. Since when can't we bring two bags? Who only takes one bag anywhere? I was leaving for over a year, I didn't know where I'd end up, I needed 2 bags.!It wasn't even heavy!

The lady from Virgin said it didn't matter, it was $16/kilo. So I zipped open my bag and started shoving things in my pockets. I found my hoodie put that on and started shoving things in those pockets. I put my laptop charger in my hood.

"There!" I said triumphantly dropping it heartily back on the scale. Still over.
"Ill tell you what, lets do a little carbon off-set type thing here. I'll go take a big dump and come back, whatever weight I've lost you offset from the weight of this bag. She looked at me blandly and handed me a bill. That look translates in all languages. The guy behind me was laughing at all this. Mostly AT me.

So there you go Sir Richard Branson, you got more of my money. Hazzah!

"Dear Sir Richard Branson, suck a pack of dicks. And choke on my $130." I hope he googles his name. I'm sure he does, all megalomaniacs do. It's in the handbook they get. If he doesn't, some poor underpaid/no pay intern, not quite-yet-jaded-or-broken-WTF-am-Doing-With-My-Life yet, is doing it. I know he doesn't care what some random blogger in Calgary thingks of him, but still, it would warm me to know that somewhere in his castle he's reading the words "Suck A Pack Of Dicks Sir Richard Branson" Warm like porridge on a snowy school day.

Leaving Thailand

Krabi-phucket-Melbourne-Sydney 

Scuba diving of Don Phi Phi in Thailand
saw black tip sharks here

 I'm thoroughly pissed off and sour at the moment. The boat ride from krabi was pleasant enough, got some sun, no one bothered me, listened to the white album most of the way to phucket. Not my favorite beetles album but there are some gems and you can't deny the outrageous talent those guys have.  

Short bus ride to the airport. I've a brutal sore throat which has surely been brought on by 3 or 4 days of la few hours of sleep each night from staying in the hottest hostel on the planet. Each morning I woke up completely dehydrated with sheets soaked in sweat. 2 of those mornings I had a 7am scuba trip lined up. They were awesome by the way. 

 I'm on a plane. Got the window, one row behind the bulkhead with all the footroom. Some couple with a baby is in those seats. A screaming baby. Beside me is a nice older couple, but all around me are really really hot Aussie chicks! Why can't I be sitting with them? (it's karma, I stole a pen from the hostel this morning)

Another baby off to my left just went off. Seriously, why the fuck do babies need to fly? They dont understand or appreciate any place you take em. They don't like flying, that's why they cry all the time. I think its cruel to make a baby fly. It should be against the law. 

 I get to the airport and it's completely insane. I have to get security checked walking in. They checked all but my carry on. Then I have to walk past passport control to check in. I go to check in and they they tell me I'm 18 kilos over and it'll be almost $350 to cover the extra weight. I lost it, I told her I couldn't pay, that I flew here with the same amount of stuff I'm leaving with. 

Oh shit, the lady beside me is telling the flight attendant (whos a guy and also a nurse) that she's sick and has been vomiting and had diarrhea. 

So anyway, I end up paying 180$ for my luggage. I'm livid. I'm Gonna call Visa and tell them I was extorted. I'm going to call the airline and tell them I took a massive dump before I got on the plane, so could they maybe credit me a kilo or two? 

I then find out that I have to retrieve my luggage in Melbourne to go through immigration, then haul it around to the next flight. Assholes. 


Speaking of which, someone's got a full diaper. Hope it's not one of the couple beside me. Fucking hell I hate kids on planes. 

So I go through security and they X-ray my stuff and give me the wand. I go buy some m&ms, halls and water. Oh, they're announcing my flight... I should go line up. So I do. 

 I'm standing there behind two gorgeous girls, neither of whom I'll be sitting with, as we shuffle along. We get to the gate and there's ANOTHER security stop. They go through my bags again, in case the M&M lady slipped my some high grade horse to sell off in Aus I suppose. Then they take my fucking water. I couldn't believe it. I actually argued with them. "it's not even opened, plastic seal is on it" 
Nope, no dice. The guy behind me had his motorbike helmet taken. I told him the leading cause of plane crashes was insane terrorist Aussies heatbutting their fellow passengers. He agreed with that.  

 So far the flights not bad. The kid in front on me reeks but could be worse. I get to watch the last half hour of Despicable Me which I missed when we landed early in Thailand. Gru is about to steel the moon, the minions are ecstatic. 

Day 1 in Aus

Well, I guess that's it for Thailand for now... Off to sunny Australia.