Throw Shit At A Smoker Day

I remember working at the record store when I was a kid that the smokers all took 'smoke breaks' on a regular basis. This was outside the normal 15 everone got in the morning or afternoon. I thought it was just a thing because all the bosses, managers, anyone with any authority whatsoever smoked like a pile of Salem witches during the dry season.

I was talking to sone people the other day, watching some lady sucking back her milligrams of tar for the morning, and it turns out 'smoke breaks' is a very common phenomenon. It also turns out that it annoys non smokers tremendously.

I recently worked with a woman who is frequently away from her post. About half that time she's wandering the halls doing nothing but trying to look busy, the other half is unabashed smoke breaks. No one thinks anything of it.

So how is it that someones filthy habit becomes a viable and socially acceptable because for them to take mire time off than the rest if us. Is it because it's an annoying, unhealthy habit that one has to partake in away from their coworkers so as not to annoy them and or poison them? If that was the case my new habit (should I ever decide to work again) is going to be sex.

Sex is a great habit, and alot like smoking. It makes you grumpy if you don't have it, happy when you do, it can be addictive, your Visigoths don't want to be around you when you do it, and it's potentially fatal. Especially when you get older. Thanks to Viagra it can cause heart attacks.

I think a sex habit would foster good employee morale too.
"hey, I'm going on a sex break"
"ok, want some company?"
"sure Jane. Steve if you can convince someone to come along you can join us too"
"oh ok..you sure you dont want me just to come now..."
"dude!"

Sexers would be way cooler than smokers too. Our tent would be nicer and smell better. There would be no ashtray, just a condom machine and some handi wipes.

It would be a great icebreaker at parties and bars.
"I'm gonna go outside and take some sex, you wanna come?"

Another thing that pisses me off about smokers is their firm belief that the world is their ashtray. A lady in front of me on the side walk finished her cancer delivery system then pitched the butt at a tree. Imagine if you did that with a food wrapper, water bottle or some other garbage. People would lose their minds. At the very least someone would say something.

Smokers just toss their refuse any old place with reckless abandon. You could be at the most beautiful place in the world and it's guarantees that some jackass dick head fire breather has tossed a butt nearby, and it's still there making the world an uglier place.

So, I am declaring today, march 10, Throw Shit At A Smoker Day. Anytime you see a smoker standing in the cold when they should be working, or tossing their filtered end out in public, you have the right, no, duty to throw some sort of garbage at them. Anything you have on you that you don't want to keep is game. Water bottle, gum that's lost it's flavor, dead hooker, anything at all that you've finished with will suffice.

I don't know if this will change the world, but I'm willing to bet that after getting pelted with disguarded tissues, wrappers or hypodermic needles, your average smoker might have the common decency to carry their tobacco garbage the extra block and a half to the nearest ashtray or garbage can, and dispose of it properly.

Throw Shit At A Smoker Day. It's my idea to make the world a better place. I wider if I could get one of those Pepsi grants. I think I'll apply.