Sydney's amazing music scene

I'm from a town of about 80,000 people. Once a year some monster rock band, the stones, def leppard, meatloaf, someone like that will traipse through town and do a festival concert and everyone loses their minds and french guys put extra light on their cars and buy new ball caps with the name of the band on it so that everyone knows who they're going to see.

So here I am in a town of 5 million. The other day I saw the Trews were coming to town. Thats cool, they're from halifax, I used to hang out in Halifax once in a while, its fairly close to home, not a bad band, good canadian boys and all that. So I picked up the local music rag to see where they were playing. Holy shit. The music scene here is insane.

Here's a little taste of who's coming to town. These are just the people I know of. I am no longer aware of the latest shitty pop act that the Much Music/MTV zombies are being spoon fed because, well, not my job anymore.

Deez Nuts
Third Eye Blind (the beatles broke up at one point but these geniuses have the nerve to stay together all this time and TOUR? You had one song. Maybe. Its time to let it go...or did they have a recent hit again? Ok two songs...die!!)
Queens of the Stoneage (sold out, shit!)
The Trews
Rihanna
Chemical Brothers
Ke$ha (someone say shitty zombie fodder?)
DOA (going to this wearing my team Canada jersey, I don't care if its lame)
Mark Ronson
Afro Celt SOund System (at the opera house...tempting)
Eddie Vedder
Donavon
Neil Diamond
Stone Temple Pilots
Chris Isaak
Lionel Richie
Usher
Santana
Doobie Brothers
Motor head (going to this one becase I think Lemmy's already dead and they just haven't told him yet)
Cyndi Lauper
Uriah Heep
City and Colour ('nother good halifax band I think)
Jimmy Eat World
DMZ
Cherry Poppin Daddies
Good Charlotte
Dead Kennedys
Weird Al
BB King (tickets are outrageous....second job maybe)
Elvis Costello (be worth seeing)
Grace Jones

Tribute to Hendrix, another to Miles Davis

And thats just between now and the 20th of April
I've also seen signs around for Iron Maiden, House of Pain, Sum 41 (last night)Social Distortion, Michael Buble, Tim Robbins (he's got a band, who knew) and Alan Jackson

Then there's about 10 music festivals.

Outside music...Billy Connolly is at the opera house doing stand up for a few nights, theres an Annie Leibowitz exhibit at the museum, the terra cotta warriors at another museum and half a dozen film festivals.

I have no closing thoughts on this, I'm just amazed, thats all. here's a link if you're curious www.drummedia.com.au

Gay Pride Down under...heh

In a bar studying notes on aperature and focal lengths. Need a break.

Down the street Australia's gay community is slowly and quietly working itself into a fervor. You see mardi gras is this week. There's a parade. Gay people LOVE parades. I just made that up, but it sounds believable enough I think. However, in Australia, Mardi Gras has become a gay holiday. Gay Lesbian, bi sexual and transgendered I think is the correct category. Christ, if the Republicans are right I'll have to add Dog Marriers to the list. They're usually right about these things too. That will be a long acronym. Anyway, its a gay holiday. There's a gay parade. The town has slowly been filling up with incredibly fit guys in shorts and wife beaters, drag queens, and moustaches.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I live about 4 blocks from the gayes neighborhood on the continent. There are dozens of stores selling pink boxers, tank tops, protein shakes (careful), and ball caps that say "BOY". In case you forgot. There are also fetish shops near by too. One has a manequin lying on its side in sort of a frozen, "I used to be crawling but i'm now frozen and have fallen over sideways" position. This poor fellow is wearing leather knee pads (heh), leather boxers, some straps, a collar, little leather mittens with no thumbs, and a leather dog mask.

It says 'woof' on the other side of that

cartoon bubble

Imagine if you were doing your thing, straight or gay for this one I suppose, so you've got your little bags on your hands so you can't use your fingers, and you're fetishwear, and you know, of course, your dog mask. Imagine all that, and you died somehow.Left the oven on and the gas is leaking. You and your partner both have massive heart attacks. That whole autoerotic aphyxiation thing went totally wrong.... (Completely unrelated but I heard they're making a movie about Micheal Hutchens)... and thats how they found you. All leathered out with knee pads and a dog mask.

"We regret to inform you of your son's death. We think it was heart worms. Or maybe he got into some chocolate in the garbage. Naaaah, he was just gettin a little freaky with the dog mask ma'am! Have a nice day!"

Oh hell, I'll take a picture on my way to school tomorrow for you guys to see. I wonder if google adsense will start putting ads for sex shops on my blog after I post this story. Speaking of which, click on the links around here once in a while so I can get paid for writing this. You don't even have to look at the link it takes you to or anything, I don't care about that.

Anyway, its 4 am and I have a 10 am class. Bars here are open all night it seems. Maybe I'll do a documentary on leather dog fetishes. What style should I do it in....

Trippy house music fetish hounds of oxford

?
I'm sitting in a bar with a friend from Finland. We just paid $9 each for a pint of tiger. I paid less than 3 for almost a litre of the stuff last month in thailand. This kills me. I'll get over it. But it kills me.
The table we're at is covered in graphiti. There are people lounging on a sort of couch/bed covered in pillows and cusions behind us. Weird modern art is covering the walls.

We're surrounded by what look like art students maybe...four bikers, who might actually not be bikers, just gay guys, or both, are taking up a table beside us.

On the other side is a spanish couple. They're sitting on these ancient old chairs that look like they were built in the 30s. Ornate support exposed and literally framing the upholstery, claw feet, carvings at the apex of the curve on the back. At one time the chair and loveseat would have been covered in velvet. Someone, many years ago replaced that with leopard pattern. Its worn through in spots showing the foam beneath. They're fighting about something. She wants to leave but he's happy where he is. She's getting very animated. I almost hope she causes a scene.

There is a, I guess you'd say, band playing. A dj with a Mac setup with a deck and a digital scratch disk is laying down beats. A keyboard player with a crazy bank of midi is pecking out baselines and playing some strange melodies. On its own you would expect a rider on a camel to show up to see some sultan in a movie from the 70s. The whole thing creates this funky chill atmosphere.

Then a violin player steps up from the crowd, he's got a pick up on his fiddle. This has our attention. Outside a beer garden in Judic Cape Breton, when's the last time you saw a guy play a violin at a party? The guy gets up and pulls the bow across a string. One long note. And its got reverb. And its completely dischordant (is that a word). Then he pulls another. It sounds like in a horror movie when something is about to happen. Awful. Ruined the whole thing. Oh well, it was fun for a while. And the bartender wasn't bad looking.

As we were leaving, I noticed this place didn't have a name. Just a question mark over the door.

Probably should go home and get some sleep. School in the morning.

So last night I wrote a letter home on the patio of the hostel. Outside a drunk from the halfway house next door was rambling about something or other. He was one of those sketchy rail-thin types who always seems to be taking his shirt off and still thinks mullets are cool. Under his well worn ball cap of course.

I went down to the front steps to hang out with some friends who were having a smoke. I ran into them coming from the bathroom, laughing. They looked at me then told me they had to wash their hands. I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow in that way I do. They laughed and told me that some dude asked for a smoke and insisted on shaking their hands. Apparently he was pretty greasy and they felt the need to wash their hands.

Shortly after the guy rambling drunk returned and my friends began to laugh and whisper. Same guy. So drunken white trash mullet guy wanders around a bit, considering coming up the walk to talk to us. After pacing by a few times he heads across the street towards the park. He paused on the sidewalk and looked up a row of flag poles. He then decides to climb one. Both hands wrapped around the post he braced his leg up against the pole and started to walk his way up. He got exactly 1 step before realizing he hadn't the coordination or balance to do such a thing.

His next plan was to climb a large tree. I ficus maybe. A large tree full of bats. And spiders I imagine but bats for sure. He got about ten feet off the ground where he came to a huge knot in the tree where a branch had once been but had fallen out to make way for an eventual moron. Buddy put his hands into the knot and put his feet up above them making a mentally deficient letter y. Y is for, yeah, this is gonna hurt.

Our hero then decides to try and use his ankles to dig into the tree and somehow hoist himself up. Thats when his grip broke. He fell a full ten feet to the ground flat on his back. He landed hard and made the exact sound you would expect. He sat up for a moment and looked dazed enough. I noticed his ball cap managed to stay on just before he fell back into a spread eagle position.

He lay on the ground for quite some time. Eventually his hillbilly buddy comes out in a wife beater with a large beer. He walks over and checks out his buddy. Genius number one sat for some time before getting up and declaring he was fine. He staggered to his feet then fell into the tall grass. He then squeeled with delight, and like an attention starved child rolled around in the tall grass making a huge racket.

Even in his hulking drunken state, hillbilly two had little regard for his buddy and walked away. Eventually genious 1 came back. He saw us watching him, (but pretending not to) and swung by to say hi and let us know not to test gravity, because it works. He was covered with red marks from his fall and several bug bites.

I commented that he's likely to get rabies and my friend Janko told me there is no rabies here. That blows my entire proposition from my last post. Fucking hell.

Welcome to Sydney! It's batshit crazy here!!

There are large bats living in trees outside my hostel. They fly at night and sound like mice. They come out around dusk, earlier if it's been raining. I know some bats carry rabies. If a person is inflicted with rabies, and left untreated, they will begin to show signs of zombie-ism. Slurred speach, staggering, aggressive behaviour, uncontrolled mania, drooling, spasms, hallucinations, trouble breathing, itching. Or a Friday night at the Cosmo in Moncton. I wonder if that place is still open.

Huge freakin bats in Sydney!

I arrived by plane a little over a week ago. My room mates at the hostel were 3 young Finnish folks. One of them, whom I became friends with, told me that there were alot of crazy people here. I didn't know what he meant. A few days later he pointed out a lady sitting on a bench in the park across from the hostel. She was chanting/screaming/wailing/speaking in tongues. Antti (my new Finnish buddy) told me that a few days earlier he was out for a smoke (Europeans all smoke for some reason) and he saw her staring at him and it really creeped him out.
A few nights later a group from the hostel was sitting in the park late and the woman was worked up into a frenzy. Yelling, wailing, laughing. A couple of the young drunk Brits harrassed her a little. Classy I thought.

Someone told me that 50%  of Aussies will experience some sort of mental disorder.  Thats a big number. (Mental disorder could mean anything, and I have actually sourced it. I'm no journalist, do your own research if you're so concerned about it).

The next day I was walking down the street to see an apartment. An old bedraggled man with a matted beard, long matted hair was coming the other way. I had my head phones on and was rocking out to The Dirty Heads. As we passed he suddenly screamed. Like a bark or a grunt or something. Scared the shit out of me. He did it on purpose too. I was going to fight him over it but I realized that he'd probably infect me with fleas. It is most likely his super power. Besides he had to get back to being Rob Zombie.

Days later I was visiting one of the harbours and I noticed an older, very drunk man feeding the pigeons, as well as these freaky assed long beaked black headed birds that are ugly as sin. They were surrouding him, landing on him, on his hands, his head. People slowed to watch and he seemed to relish the attention. Later he ran out of bread and packed, then repacked his bag. Then he staggered a bit and circled his bench. He then staggered to another bench where a middle aged couple, who looked kind of dorky, were sitting near the edge of the bench. I'd say there was half a cheek left on that bench to sit on. The bird man of Circular Quay decided he'd sit on that narrow wedge of real estate. So he sat sideways and fell into the dork on the bench and sort of leaned on him. He was promptly pushed to the ground for his troubles. Poor bastard. He staggered back to his own bench .

One night, I was standing outside the gates of my hostel and this couople was walking and incredibly inebriated (probably crazy) guy home. His hostel/halfway house is next to mine. He was barely able to balance his own weight. They asked if he was ok and he slurred yes, then they asked if he could get in ok and he thanked them for their kindness and said he'd see them later. He was speaking as if underwater had a hair lip.  He went through the gate then darted around again. He looked at my, I was fiddling with my iphone, and said, "Wherszit?!?" I just looked at him. He spun in a circle patting his pockets the way a dog might if he thought he'd left his tail in his other pants.  He then said "Maphone! Fuckngo!" Apparently he lost his phone. I suppose his sponsor's number is in it which would make it very important to him. He then stagger-ran up the street. He looked behind him as he went and ran straight into a post, which slung him around unceremoniously and dropped him to the asphalt. None the worse for where, he got up and moved on. What a trooper!

Last night a girl visiting the hostel was punched in the mouth by and Aboriginal lady. From what I heard it was unprovoked, but its been my recent experience that drunken Brits are probably asking to get punched in the face.

The theories about the crazy like behaviour in Sydney have ranged from something in the water, to too much, sun, to a degenerative disorder caused by the inbreeding of a nation of criminals over several centuries. All scientifically sound hypothesis-es. I however, don't think we should count out the bats. I mean, where does bat shit crazy come from anyway?

Here's a vid of the bird man. I missed most of his more entertaining antics.

Shark!! Diving off Don Phi Phi, Thailand

Went diving today!
Did my emergency ascent today. Dive 3. Did buddy breathing, mask removal, getting really good at bouyancy. 

We descended and at 6M I had a hard time equalizing my right ear so we went down slowly. All sorts of amazing things down there. Saw several black fin sharks. Very very cool. 

Dive 4
We landed beside a giant outcropping of rock. We suited up and got wet. Stunning coral mountains under the waves. Clown fish, giant eels, and some sort of lobster running along with something in it's mouth. Found out later it was a giant shrimp. Big as a lobster though. Huge schools of tiny fish darted in different directions, travelling in unison giving the illusion of a flag being battered by the wind. 

My right ear hurts a little bit and is full of water... Have to deal with that before I fly. 

Dive 5
Last dive wasn't so great, cold and a bit murky but there were SO many fish!! We could see them jumping out of the water as we pulled into Phi Phi don. They were swimming in great schools as we eased our way in and around them. Mackerel groupers, small tuna, moray eels hiding under rocks waiting for prey. 

So I am now a PADI certified diver. 55 more dives and I'm a dive master. That might take a while....

Leaving Thailand

Krabi-phucket-Melbourne-Sydney 

Scuba diving of Don Phi Phi in Thailand
saw black tip sharks here

 I'm thoroughly pissed off and sour at the moment. The boat ride from krabi was pleasant enough, got some sun, no one bothered me, listened to the white album most of the way to phucket. Not my favorite beetles album but there are some gems and you can't deny the outrageous talent those guys have.  

Short bus ride to the airport. I've a brutal sore throat which has surely been brought on by 3 or 4 days of la few hours of sleep each night from staying in the hottest hostel on the planet. Each morning I woke up completely dehydrated with sheets soaked in sweat. 2 of those mornings I had a 7am scuba trip lined up. They were awesome by the way. 

 I'm on a plane. Got the window, one row behind the bulkhead with all the footroom. Some couple with a baby is in those seats. A screaming baby. Beside me is a nice older couple, but all around me are really really hot Aussie chicks! Why can't I be sitting with them? (it's karma, I stole a pen from the hostel this morning)

Another baby off to my left just went off. Seriously, why the fuck do babies need to fly? They dont understand or appreciate any place you take em. They don't like flying, that's why they cry all the time. I think its cruel to make a baby fly. It should be against the law. 

 I get to the airport and it's completely insane. I have to get security checked walking in. They checked all but my carry on. Then I have to walk past passport control to check in. I go to check in and they they tell me I'm 18 kilos over and it'll be almost $350 to cover the extra weight. I lost it, I told her I couldn't pay, that I flew here with the same amount of stuff I'm leaving with. 

Oh shit, the lady beside me is telling the flight attendant (whos a guy and also a nurse) that she's sick and has been vomiting and had diarrhea. 

So anyway, I end up paying 180$ for my luggage. I'm livid. I'm Gonna call Visa and tell them I was extorted. I'm going to call the airline and tell them I took a massive dump before I got on the plane, so could they maybe credit me a kilo or two? 

I then find out that I have to retrieve my luggage in Melbourne to go through immigration, then haul it around to the next flight. Assholes. 


Speaking of which, someone's got a full diaper. Hope it's not one of the couple beside me. Fucking hell I hate kids on planes. 

So I go through security and they X-ray my stuff and give me the wand. I go buy some m&ms, halls and water. Oh, they're announcing my flight... I should go line up. So I do. 

 I'm standing there behind two gorgeous girls, neither of whom I'll be sitting with, as we shuffle along. We get to the gate and there's ANOTHER security stop. They go through my bags again, in case the M&M lady slipped my some high grade horse to sell off in Aus I suppose. Then they take my fucking water. I couldn't believe it. I actually argued with them. "it's not even opened, plastic seal is on it" 
Nope, no dice. The guy behind me had his motorbike helmet taken. I told him the leading cause of plane crashes was insane terrorist Aussies heatbutting their fellow passengers. He agreed with that.  

 So far the flights not bad. The kid in front on me reeks but could be worse. I get to watch the last half hour of Despicable Me which I missed when we landed early in Thailand. Gru is about to steel the moon, the minions are ecstatic. 

Day 1 in Aus

Well, I guess that's it for Thailand for now... Off to sunny Australia.